pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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