Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
