You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
