My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
4 words: hood of his car
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
