i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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