The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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