is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
