It's like a parade of train wrecks.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
