just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
