How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
