Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
