you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
