Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
