Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
