I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
