The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
