i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
