God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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