I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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