y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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