and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
