someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's Friday. Sex?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
