I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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