Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
