I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Welp...herpes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
