I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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