And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
