Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize