there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
