Someone shit on the floor
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my shit smells like andre
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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