Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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