one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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