She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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