I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
