I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
