I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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