Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
