hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
