so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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