but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
