oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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