I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
