She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
