is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
