Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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