I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
