Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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