the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
