Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Randomize
