Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
