some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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