So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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