a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
