Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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