and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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