i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i out mim tonsoeep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
