I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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