I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
