Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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