i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
