I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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