You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
