I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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