he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
