I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize