i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
