I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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