Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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