have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
